Who’d make a better VP than Sarah Palin?

There’s no denying that Sarah Palin is mad, and having her a heartbeat (or a cessation of) away from the Presidency is a truly ghastly thought. So who would we prefer?

Well, I’ve devised a short list of people who I think are wore qualified for the position than Ms Palin. And here they are, in reverse order:

Lord Sauron demonstrating how well he connects with Young People by 'showing off' his taste in 'bling'

Number 3: If McCain is to find a partner who can connect with both the older and the younger generation, he may want to pass on this suggestion for the Dark Lord Sauron. Obama, of course, already has Joe Biden to speak for the younger generation. However, I can certainly see that Lord Sauron would deal with the US’s financial worries: just annexe Switzerland and take their money.

He may also gain some street cred, with his fasionable bling and the fact that he has starred in quite a popular wideo game and film franchise. However, with a 5,800-year-old personality like his, there’s always a risk that the power could go to his head. He’s done it before, but Lord Sauron has since been rehabilitated to overcome his power-crazed delusions.

Mr. Davros would have a policy of free stairlifts for all

Overall, a better choice may be my second candidate, who is a little less well known: a Mr. Davros of Skaro. Hecortainly has good policies: I particularly like his championing of the rights of the disabled, having promised free stairlifts for all, be they human, android or rolling robot. He would also certainly be very good at containing any insurgency in Iraq or Afghanistan (he pioneered the Dalek™ Automatic Extermination Device) and would laugh off a threat of war with Russia.

However, the same concerns are cropping up with Davros as have Palin. With him a mild shock away from the presidency, how do we know that he’s not going to implement his other views (including the annexation of the UK, Ireland, Europe, Asia, Africa, Antarctica, South America, Mexico, Canada, Australasia, Antarctica, Mars, Mercury, Venus, the Outer Gas Giants, the Kuiper Belt, and the rest of the local group)?

Evidently, my search for the perfect vice president was turning out to be more difficult than I had anticipated. However, it was not long before I had an epiphany on the subject.

MCPO John-117 (right) launching his campaign. The campaign slogan is 'Tomorrow Will Be Better Than Yesterday'.

I therefore put it to you that Master Chief Petty Officer John-117, of tho Halo series of computer games and books, is the ideal Vice President of the USA. It may seem mad, at first, to elect a cyborg with possible blood relations to Top Gear’s Stig, but think about it. He’s:

• got a spotless war record
• idolised by hundreds of thousands of young people
• well known
• got plenty of sex appeal (that armour creates an aura of mystery, which the ladies and gay gentlemen simply adore)
• got socialist, Marxist ideas that America needs in these times of economic recession
• going to keep his mouth shut when he retires: instead of being noisily embarrassing like Clinton or Bush Sr., he will retire to a quiet part of Cornwall in England, only reappearing to present Countryfile and exercise his new hobby as an amateur sleuth
• human
• not a baddie
• not Sarah Palin

Case rested. Supersoldiers serving 500 years in the future would be better as Vice President of the USA than Sarah Palin.