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As I speak, Steve Jong-Il Jobs has just departed the stage at WWDC in San Francisco, having just unveiled the next iteration of the iPhone to a crowd of squealing fanboys who were so busy pumping their incoherent babblings onto the Internet they actually brought the leviathan Wi-Fi network screeching to a halt, forcing Jobs to ask people to actually turn their laptops’ wi-fi off while he finished the demo.

The new phone has a number of features – apart from a new, slimmer, more squarish (and, in my opinion, more handsome) design which should be familiar to any regular Gizmodo reader, a new camera with a flash, and an absurdly-christened “retina display” with a 960×640 resolution, the new “killer feature” is something called FaceTime.

Ostensibly, this is a video calling feature: unlike 3G video calls it seems to only work over Wi-Fi for now, and, technically, the implementation doesn’t look half bad. It should also help to silence critics who’ve “pah”d at the fact that previous iPhones have lagged behind other phones, which have been able to do this for year (my Skypephone, before it died, could handle video calls – after a fashion, since there was no forward-facing camera).

I’d be willing to argue, however, that no-one will use it anyway. True, it’ll see a minor explosion in use for a little while, but then it’ll fall back to its core usage: people who communicate through sign language, and grandmothers who want to see their little cherubs’ faces when they speak to them.

My rationale is as follows. Firstly, video calling is far more inconvenient than conventional phone calls.

With my current non-smartphone, to place a call I dial the number (or select a contact) and press the phone to my ear, and talk when the other end answers. On the iPhone, this is a largely similar affair – hit “phone”, select contact or dial number, put phone to ear, wait for other end to answer.

With video calling, however, it’s a bit more complicated than that. First, you have to activate FaceTime while the phone’s still ringing. Then, before the other person answers, you have to hold the phone up, in front of your face, so that you can see the screen reasonably well and the camera can see you. It’s generally here that you realise you look like a drunken elephant, and quietly deactivate the video call part.

Credit to Apple, this does seem to be a little better than the status quo: now, it seems, if the video (carried by WiFi) goes, the audio will stay put. However, it doesn’t tackle the critical issue that I need to hold the phone a foot or so away from my face for it to work properly: until Apple invents some kind of anti-gravity technology to make it hover alongside me as I walk down the street, I can’t see this problem going away. (Besides, I can’t imagine doing that in public: it’d make you look like a complete and utter fool.)

Second, there’s another very good reason why video chatting hasn’t caught on already: most people like the privacy. I can’t imagine, for instance, anyone wanting to answer phone in Facetime if they’ve just come out of the shower, or if it’s four in the morning and they’re desperately trying to hide the other person in the bed when the husband calls. And this is before we even begin to account for facial expressions or other potentially embarrassing gaffes.

So, I suppose it’s good Apple’s finally implemented it (and I’ll know if they’ve implemented it well when I’ve seen it.) However, I don’t imagine it’ll see much use at all.

Image courtesy of Apple

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Sadly, it's just a mockup, but it's gorgeous anyway

Sadly, it's just a mockup, but it's gorgeous anyway

Well, not long to go now until WWDC 2009. The rumour mills are once again chugging away, and the general gist of them is as such:

  • Apple will almost certainly announce a new iPhone, probably with video conferencing. iPhone OS X 3.0 will certainly be putting in an appearance.
  • Snow Leopard’s final preview build will be released (we know this) and we can expect speed improvements, improved memory management and 64-bit optimisation, a brand new Finder written in Cocoa (really? it took nine and a half damn years?) and possibly a new UI, codenamed Marble. It’s known that QuickTime is getting a major upgrade, and is also getting a revised silver icon.
  • This isn’t really a rumour, but it’ll be interesting to see, in the coming months, how Apple reacts to Palm’s move to make the Pre fake an iPod (and therefore sync with iTunes). They could do one of three things: they could update iTunes to remove the sync functionality with the Pre, they could leave it as it is, or they could offer an olive branch to third-party hardware developers and start offering an iTunes API. I think the third would be the wisest, but the second is the most likely.
  • And finally… the Dear Leader. He took leave from Apple until sometime in June, and we know that his minions, Phil Schiller and Tim Cook will be doing the WWDC keynote. Although Schiller ain’t bad, he’s not as confident and doesn’t have as much charisma as Jobs. Tim Cook is like watching Dick van Dyke trying to read the news—it’s painful. However, if video conferencing on the iPhone is one of the features that will be announced… well, I wouldn’t be in any way surprised if he made a surprise appearance, say, calling from a fresh iPhone in the audience.
  • Someone, somewhere in the WWDC audience will need fresh underpants at some point during the keynote, because the previous set will have melted.

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If you’ll recall, a couple of days ago, I wrote about what I expected would appear at WWDC ’08. As it transpires, it was a rather surprising event.

  • The iPhone: This made up the bulk of the Stevenote, where Steve Jobs was also (unusually) assisted by Scott Forstall and Phil Schiller. The 2.0 firmware is almost complete and will appear next month – I was surprised it wasn’t complete by now, but I suppose they’re just being careful with a few final sweeps for bugs. The actual revised iPhone wasn’t surprising from a hardware perspective: 3G, lower price, GPS, similar case design… but I was surprised that the case is now almost all plastic instead of all aluminium. The new feature list is somewhat disappointing, although thanks to the iPhone’s nature it shouldn’t be too long to see a change to this. O2 are also going to offer it on a pay-as-you-go tariff, for an unconfirmed price. However, I can’t take much credit for this. The 3G iPhone was the worst-kept secret in history.
  • Mysteriously, the rumoured new MacBooks didn’t appear. This was surprising, although the amount of iPhone stuff they got through probably restricted what else they could get in the keynote.
  • Mac OS X 10.6 was announced – it’s called Snow Leopard, and not Cougar as I expected. I was right in that it’ll concentrate on polish and performance; however, it’s hard to see Apple resisting the temptation to shoehorn a few new features in, including a few aesthetic changes. However, it was only mentioned briefly in the keynote.
  • The Mac Mini and Blu-Ray SuperDrives were not mentioned, which is also quite surprising, particularly for the former. Said machine hasn’t been revised for around a year now, indicating a revamp of the line may be imminent. I suspect both the Mini and new MacBooks (if any) will appear at a similar event to the event the revised iMac appeared last year, so at this rate we could be looking at August.
  • MobileMe (a new synchronisation service which also features .Mac’s old functionalities) wasn’t much of a surprise: it would have been insane for Apple to build in the push PIM, synchronisation, remote kill, etc if it could only be used by enterprises with Microsoft Exchange. I also like the idea of being able to sync my Eee, my iMac, and my phone’s address book, although whether or not it likes Linux is another matter. I suspect it will.

Overall, the Stevenote was something of a disappointment. It was interesting to see what they had to show us, but it concentrated heavily on the iPhone. This is very surprising.

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