Hardware

I’ve just finished watching this. This is Dell’s own marketing video for the Adamo, their MacBook Air killer (like the Zune was Microsoft’s iPod killer). It’s really awful. You have to see it to believe it… I laughed myself silly.

So the video first takes its time to parrot about how dedicated Dell is, and always has been, to industrial design. Yes, just like on those old Optiplexes. Remember the silly doors in front of the USB ports that make it impossible to see the access light on your USB drive? Yeah, great industrial design there.

It then descends into something that sounds like it’s been formed from a dictionary of marketing buzzwords in shuffle mode. The spokesmodel’s opening gambit is:

Adamo, from the Latin, meaning to fall in love with, is a fabulous union between function and luxury, to become one stunning tribute to the world of technology.

Oookay…. so they claim the laptop is functional and pretty. Not at all trying to copy Apple, then. The spokesmodel, who looks like he’s trying to impersonate Jonathan Jony Ive if he had an American accent, hypes up the video, telling us that we are about to witness a ‘true love story by Dell’.

No. We’re seeing a promotional video for a laptop. Nothing more, nothing less.

He says later on:

With edge-to-edge glass, Adamo was designed to elicit desire and to redefine the image of power.

Edge-to-edge glass… hmm… where have I seen that before?

I also note that it’s failed to elicit desire in me. They’re also parroting rather loudly about power…

A quick look at Dell’s own Adamo page, at the pretentious URL of adamobydell.com, points out that the $2000 base model comes with a 1.2gHz Core 2 Duo. Yes. 1.2gHz. That’s the speed I expect in an Eee PC, not in a high-end luxury laptop. The $2700 model has a 1.4gHz processor, where the MacBook Air (the Adamo’s intended target) has a base model at 1.6gHz, with 1.86 as an optional extra.

Additionally, the current iteration of the Air comes with an Nvidia dedicated video card, where the Adamo has to put up with an integrated chip. Not too shabby, one might think, until one realises the default OS that will be installed on this machine.

Yes. This machine will come pre-installed with Vista Home Premium, 64-bit edition. On a 1.2gHz machine with onboard graphics. Yes. That’s really powerful.

It gets worse. The spokesmodel actually says this at one minute and fifty two seconds into the video:

People will stare, and that’s OK. Because, with this ultra-thin, portable aphrodisiac at your side, lack of attention won’t be the problem.

Now, Dell Marketing, I hate to break this to you, but… it’s a laptop. People don’t pull with their laptop. Neither do I particularly like the idea of people staring at me as I sit on a bench and try to get a 3G connection to the internet to check my e-mails.

The idea of using the Adamo as an aphrodisiac to pull a girl was one that I found amusing, so I entertained it for a while and wrote this short script:

ADAMO OWNER: (swaggers up to pretty lady in a bar, laptop in hand) Hi. (sweeps machine out in front of him) I’ve got a Dell Adamo.

PRETTY LADY: You’re weird.

MACBOOK AIR OWNER: (bumps into lady carrying laptop) Oh… whoops. I’m so sorry.

LADY: Oh, don’t worry. I’m Lisa, by the way.

AIR OWNER: I’m John. I’m so sorry… let me buy you a drink.

(Pretty lady and MacBook Air owner fall in love, have a one-night stand that quickly evolves into a life-long marriage)

ADAMO OWNER: Curses. (to laptop) You ain’t very good at pulling.

Now, there’s no denying the machine, for a Dell, is quite pretty. I’m not sure about the ’scalloped keyboard’ (and the ridiculous angular font used to label the keys), but at least they’ve put a bit of effort in. However, if this machine is meant to come with Vista installed, it’s going to be a disaster.

They’ve also tried to be far too arty-farty with the Adamo. The colours it is offered in are silver and black, although Dell calls them ‘pearl’ and ‘onyx’. What? If you look closely, the machine also has a Quasimodo-style hump behind the screen, where the USB ports are located.

The machine is a little thinner than the MacBook Air, but the Air is still faster, and its design is also more functional. The Air has a webcam, the Adamo does not. I stand corrected: the Adamo does have a webcam. However, I can’t imagine it running particularly speedily on such a slow CPU. Dell also parrots the fact that the Adamo has a 720p HD display: practically all widescreen displays in existence are HD. There’s nothing to crow about there.

Apple’s machine is more powerful, cheaper, and also comes with a better (and more lightweight) OS by default. It’s also more capable of running Vista, as it has a dedicated graphics chip and a faster CPU.

Now, I can’t make a true judgement about the Adamo itself until I’ve got my paws on one. It may be like the Eee PC, performing surprisingly well despite the fact it’s underpowered, and… well… a Dell. However, I know they’ve made a crucial mistake in marketing it.

Dell has failed to understand that people buy a laptop because it works, not because it might pull a woman. Just look at Apple’s adverts: they show the machines working, and don’t make pretentious statements about the machine’s prettiness and how it’s all made of finely detailed aluminium. In fact, Apple’s design philosophy is that design should be functional. Even the glowing Apple logo on the back of the MacBooks has a purpose: you can tell from a distance whether or not the screen’s backlight is on.

Apple lets the products’ beauty speak for itself, and instead, when marketing, concentrates on power and practicality. Dell has made it look like the Adamo is meant to be a fashion item. And, in a recession, people can’t exactly afford two-grand fashion items.