Microsoft FAIL watch

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Microsoft: throw a house party to celebrate the launch of Windows 7. Seriously.

September 30, 2009 in Microsoft, Microsoft FAIL watch, Software | No comments

I got an e-mail a few weeks ago, but other commitments have meant I haven’t been able to blog about it… until now.

It’s fair to say that Microsoft has never exactly had a penchant for marketing: in 2003, it commissioned a band (conveniently called Press the Green Button) to sing two songs… about Windows XP Media Center Edition. (Neither of them are very good, so don’t bother.) Then came the Seinfeld ads, the middle finger in the face to Apple with the “I’m a PC” ads, the out-of-date and technically inept Laptop Hunter ads, etc. etc. You know the story by now.

So what’s MS’s latest attempt to improve their image? One can only imagine the brainstorming meeting with the marketing execs.

AD MAN #1: So, after the success of our “Laptop Hunters” campaign… what’s next?

AD MAN #2: We need something top down, something that is very much web 2.0 and a granular approach to viral marketing.

AD MAN #1: I know! Let’s ask Windows 7 beta testers to throw a house party!

AD MAN #2: Genius! Why didn’t I think of that?

I don’t think I need to say any more.

Look at it. Lookatit. Whatthebloodyhellweretheythinkingof!?

Why would you throw a party to launch a new release of Windows? It’s kind of like saying, “there’s a new strain of chlamydia spreading rapidly through our population: get the cocktail sticks out!!!”

Besides, what would you do at a “Windows 7 launch party”? From what I can glean, you’re supposed to invite people into your home and “entertain” them, instead of with food, music, dancing or a film, like at a normal party, with a series of Windows 7 demos. So basically, it’ll be like a really rubbish version of a Steve Jobs keynote, because

  1. There won’t be any Windows fanboys who worship Steve Ballmer and become sexually excited as soon as you mention “ISO burning integrated into Explorer”
  2. you’ll be obliged to do a monkey impression before throwing your chair at a wall screaming about what you’re going to do to Google.

Charlie Brooker described it best: the promotional video for these events, let alone the events themselves, induces shitasmia. (That word will enter a dictionary of neologisms now.) How the hell do Microsoft think they can beat the smug, but at least sane Get a Mac adverts with these?

That said… Richard Stallman’s campaign of overinflated FUD, nonsense and preachy FLOSS fundamentalism is no better.

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Behold! The new definition of “safe”!

September 6, 2009 in Linux, Microsoft, Microsoft FAIL watch, Security, Software | No comments

clippyRemember MS’s ill-fated get the facts campaign? Well… they’re at it again.

This time, they’re bribing offering a course called ExpertZone to employees of Best Buy in America (sort of like America’s PC World, and I wouldn’t be surprised if a similar campaign appeared in Gordonland before much longer.) Incidentally, on taking the “course”, said employees get a $10 copy of Windows 7. Hmm.

So a member at Overclock.net has kindly provided screenshots… however, due to Photobucket’s terribleness, they’ve exceeded their bandwidth limit. Not to worry… they’re mirrored here, and they’re probably floating around on 4chan as well. And they might have *cough* accidentally appeared on this site, too.

One of the modules of said course is entitled something along the lines of “Linux vs. Windows 7.”

I won’t list them all, because some of them are so full of horseshit that they’re toxic. Some of them aren’t too bad… however, these ones are. (Follow the show original post link to show these if they don’t appear, or follow the “read more” link if you’re viewing this from the site.)

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If Microsoft is the Borg, then Brandon LeBlanc is Locutus

June 21, 2009 in Microsoft, Microsoft FAIL watch | No comments

ballmerius2I’ve grown increasingly cynical about The Windows Blog in recent weeks. Lately, it seems to have become little more than a mouthpiece for Microsoft’s marketing division. The obvious sign of this is that the marketing is appalling.

For example, in a recent post entitled Top 6 Things To Consider When Buying A Small Notebook PC, blogger Brandon LeBlanc (hereafter referred to as LeBlancius of Borg) states:

1. Is it easy to use?

This question may seem obvious, but when you think about it, it’s probably the most important one on this list. How are you going to be using your small notebook PC? Are you using this as a companion to your primary desktop or laptop PC? If so, then you’ll want it to have the same interface and experience as your primary machine so you can seamlessly move back and forth without any confusion or hassle and easily transfer and share files between your computers.

Well, in that case, I’ll have Ubuntu 9.04 with GNOME and Do in Docky mode. Oh? You don’t do that? Of course not.

You’ll also want to be sure that it can easily connect to a wireless or 3G broadband network so you can instantly get online wherever you are.

Which Ubuntu has supported since Intrepid, eight months ago. And it works out of the box, most of the time.

And of course, make sure that there’s a built in tool, like Windows Instant Search, to help you instantly find your, music, photos and files…after all, your computer isn’t very handy if you can’t find your stuff on it!

*cough* don’t I remember something similar, but a lot older? *cough* Spotlight *cough*

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