I got an e-mail a few weeks ago, but other commitments have meant I haven’t been able to blog about it… until now.
It’s fair to say that Microsoft has never exactly had a penchant for marketing: in 2003, it commissioned a band (conveniently called Press the Green Button) to sing two songs… about Windows XP Media Center Edition. (Neither of them are very good, so don’t bother.) Then came the Seinfeld ads, the middle finger in the face to Apple with the “I’m a PC” ads, the out-of-date and technically inept Laptop Hunter ads, etc. etc. You know the story by now.
So what’s MS’s latest attempt to improve their image? One can only imagine the brainstorming meeting with the marketing execs.
AD MAN #1: So, after the success of our “Laptop Hunters” campaign… what’s next?
AD MAN #2: We need something top down, something that is very much web 2.0 and a granular approach to viral marketing.
AD MAN #1: I know! Let’s ask Windows 7 beta testers to throw a house party!
AD MAN #2: Genius! Why didn’t I think of that?
I don’t think I need to say any more.
Look at it. Lookatit. Whatthebloodyhellweretheythinkingof!?
Why would you throw a party to launch a new release of Windows? It’s kind of like saying, “there’s a new strain of chlamydia spreading rapidly through our population: get the cocktail sticks out!!!”
Besides, what would you do at a “Windows 7 launch party”? From what I can glean, you’re supposed to invite people into your home and “entertain” them, instead of with food, music, dancing or a film, like at a normal party, with a series of Windows 7 demos. So basically, it’ll be like a really rubbish version of a Steve Jobs keynote, because
- There won’t be any Windows fanboys who worship Steve Ballmer and become sexually excited as soon as you mention “ISO burning integrated into Explorer”
- you’ll be obliged to do a monkey impression before throwing your chair at a wall screaming about what you’re going to do to Google.
Charlie Brooker described it best: the promotional video for these events, let alone the events themselves, induces shitasmia. (That word will enter a dictionary of neologisms now.) How the hell do Microsoft think they can beat the smug, but at least sane Get a Mac adverts with these?
That said… Richard Stallman’s campaign of overinflated FUD, nonsense and preachy FLOSS fundamentalism is no better.
Remember MS’s ill-fated get the facts campaign? Well… they’re at it again.